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xcombatchuck777x
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Name: Chuck
Birthday: 7/23/1988
Gender: Male
Interests: I am a cartoonist, I love to cook, I make attempts at being witty, but I usually fail miserably, and I am interested in music. I love to listen to music. Its what keeps me going. I love all types of music
Expertise: I am an expert at nothing. I have no skills that make me an expert at anything. Unless drawing dumb cartoons counts. Then heck yes, I am an expert at drawing cartoons.
Occupation: Sbarros. Well, at least until
Industry: Laziness
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  xcombatchuck777x
MSN: combat_chuck@hotmail.com
Yahoo:  xcombatchuck777x
Member Since:
12/8/2007
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Someday I will own this shirt. I hope it'll turn up on Ebay. | | |
| "Because i love you more than you know. Look again and tell me what you see!"
In the window was me. The massacres were all me!
Oh God, please! Please! deliver the penalties for all of this from me.
I'm not finding justice, no warrant for mercy...
don't give up on me. Don't give up on me!
What happens when I turn and run again? And again, and again?
"I will forgive you."
And what happens when I lie to your face?
"I will forgive you."
Oh my God, I can be so defiant to some one who's arms stretch to me.
"I will forgive."
Don't give up on me! Don't give up on me!
"I have forgiven you!" Would you go to war for me, baby?
Would you cry for the weak
And die for the peace of men?
Oh how can we know?
You and I both don't
So lets make this boatload of excuses burn and sink
One day it all comes down to this
You can sink or swim
You can hit or miss
One day it all comes down
One day we all come down
I'll take my heart back and set the people free
I'll leave the dead to die and take who's coming with me
I'll take my heart back and set the people free
I'll leave the dead to die and take who's coming with me
Step back for all the world to see
Your life means all the world to me
I'll take all pain and suffering
But I'm such a sucker sometimes
Sometimes we don't know
So plug up those bullet holes
Oh you feel so close don't let go until I say,
"One day we'll drink to this and say,
"Remember when we died... We went out in flames!'"
One day we'll drink to this and say,
'Remember when we died, we went out....'"
I'll take my heart back and set the people free
I'll leave the dead to die and take who's coming with me
I'll take my heart back and set the people free
I'll leave the dead to die... there will be blood in the streets! Stop. Theif.
Stop. Theif.
Stop. Theif.
Stop. Theif.
Stop. Theif.
Stop. Theif.
Stop. Theif.
Stop. Theif.
Stop. Theif.
Stop. Theif.
Stop. Theif.
Stop. Theif.
Stop. Theif.
Stop. Theif.
If the end of the world is coming, Lord, take me home with You.
If the end of the world is coming, Lord, make my soul anew. And the pools of blood form in the streets,
the bullets fall slowly from the skies in sheets.
And the devil laughs at the broken men.
And the devil knows that its now the end.
Now the end of the world is coming, Lord take me home with You. I am a broken man. Praise Jesus! | | |
| My life has been constantly filled with confrontation, and confusion. Problems never end, struggles never fade...
But what am I to do in times of deep worry, and need? Of course I should turn to God, but sometimes that doesn't really work. I lost my job on Thursday. I was faced with quitting or getting fired. So I quit. All over a confrontation with a manager for no reason. He tends to flip out over nothing because he wants to show how he's in a position of power. The other manager on the shift didn't say anything to help or worsen the situation, and the confrontation prevented me from doing my job. So seven sandwiches at BK were left waiting for almost 12 minutes. An offense often met with termination.
He kept preventing me from making those sandwiches by pulling me aside and confronting me over stupid things, when the customer should come first. When he first confronted me the sandwiches were only on my screen for two minutes. By the time he stopped yelling at me it was almost 12. I was fired for sure. So I left, called my boss, and explained the situation. I know that Burger King just wasn't right for me, anyways. So now I hope I'll find something new...
Where I won't be met with such frivolous confrontation. It was pointless. He confronted me over a problem I had already fixed. Pointless.
"Anymore, I don't know who to fight anymore
I don't know what is right anymore, anymore" | | |
| The last six or so days have been really weird. On Saturday I found myself homeless, but invited to NTC. So I decided to suck it up and go. I had really been afraid to go. I had received anonymous myspace messages telling me I wasn't allowed at NTC. I believed them. Its really ridiculous that someone would go through so much trouble to keep me away from church.
But I went. And what happened surprised me: Not a single person had a negative thing to say to me. I didn't get any negative vibes... I was waiting for just one person to give me an awkward vibe because of several events in the last year. I used to not be able to talk to Travis without arguing and even we talked and were fine. And then it hit me: No one hated me for the things I did. They were disappointed. Some even worried! I don't know why it took so long for me to find my way back home, but at least I finally did. It'll take some time for me to get my life completely in order, and for things to go back to normal, if they ever do, but at least I'm on the right track.
Another thing. There's a song that messed with me one time when I was tripping on shrooms. It's Salmarnir by Underoath.
For the complete story, about the song, the feeling, and my "conversation" with God and my conversation with Travis (Yes, Travis I spoke to you on shrooms...) leave a comment and I will post on it.
Its long, and I don't have time now, and I prefer to tell it in person. There's alot to it. No single person on this planet knows the full details behind this story, other than myself.
But thanks to the following folks for everything they've done whether they know it or not:
Greg, Jess, Justin, Jeeves, Travis, Meghan, DJ, Kristan, and anyone who prayed for me in the last year or so. I love you all.
I do kind of feel like the protagonist in the following song. The song is about someone who falls in love with someone who is "outside of God's love," and in this case she's a Vampire. Or so I assume. (She's dead, she comes back, and she flies.) It seems like I may be in love with someone outside of God's love. But not in a romantic way, as in the song. Its a little different. I built a family of what Christians would call "sinners." These are my friends. They may be terrible influences on me in the ways of drugs and drinking, but they're still family. Its going to be rough.
But I think I can handle it.
I can explain why I cannot give my heart back.
I left it with my Lady Blue.
What was her name?
She flew in, I caught her.
I was a fool to let her go.
She goes, she goes with her hollow bones, she goes.
Every year she's back for the season.
I have to keep my windows closed.
I couldn't shake what my mother warned me of.
Try to keep me safe between the pews.
I stepped away, saw that Love was outside.
She wore a name, just a different one.
They all say,
'I'm sorry boy, you shouldn't fly with her kind.
They found a way out of God's love.'
She goes, she goes with her hollow bones.
Keeping it pretty is getting pretty old.
Keeping it pretty is getting pretty old.
It's getting pretty old.
Round and round we go, we go around.
Round and round we go, she wont stay dead.
Stay down.
There's an awful lot of holes I gotta dig,
when I know you're gonna climb back up again.
Stay dead. Stay down.
Stay dead. Stay down.
Stay across the sea, but I know where you'll be.
When I look around and round we go, we go around.
Round and round we go, she won't stay dead.
Stay down.
Lady you're a lure, dancing on the bar.
Oh-ho, you know you are.
You call em' to the door, hook em' in the jaw.
Just for tonight, right?
But maybe when you're bored with the easy caught,
and when I can't afford another empty touch,
maybe then we'll board our ships with a couple crashing hearts.
Round and round we go, we go around.
Round and round we go, she stay dead.
Stay down.
Round and round we go, we go around.
Round and round we go, she won't get out of my head.
Stay in the ground.
She won't get out of my head.
Stay in the ground.
She won't stay dead. She won't stay down.
She won't stay dead. She won't stay down.
She won't stay dead. (She goes.)
She won't stay down. (She goes.)
She won't stay.
Lady Blue by As Cities Burn
She won't stay dead. She won't stay down
Sorry if all this makes me sound crazy, or dumb.... I'm just being who I am. For the first time in a long time.
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| I feel like nothings going to change.
I was never raised in a good home. My family was always messed up. That's why I latched on to the whole church thing. The idea of finally having a family always captivated me. I was always looking for love. I always felt like I was incapable of being loved. Growing up from the age of 12 to 20 in NTC was always hard, because of my background, and the constant fear of being judged on where I came from, not who I was.
I constantly kept changing who I was to fit the mold of who I thought everyone wanted me to be. After a few years of constantly trying to be someone I'm not, I gave up. I just gave up. I decided to be myself.
That's when people started to tell me that I was "trying too hard" to be someone I'm not. That was rough. Me being truly myself wasn't good enough, and neither was trying to be someone else. What do you do when everyone wants you to be someone you're not? I chose to give up.
In July of 2008, I started to smoke weed. Not because I wanted to "get high" but because I was sick of life. I was so depressed, that the feeling of being high was just something new to cover up the pain. I tried to hide it, but I always felt so guilty, that I stopped going to church. After a while it seemed like everyone knew. I just wasn't the man I wanted to be anymore, and I gave up trying to be the man I wanted to be. I just let all sorts of problems into my life. I had been on and off homeless for the better part of a year, and it seemed like I'd never escape my past. So I covered up all my problems, and numbed the pain with marijuana.
It seemed easier than being honest, and dealing with the problems.
I built a new family. I decided if I couldn't have my family, or my church family, it was time for a new one. It all came out of a joke with some of my stoner friends. We all started referring to each other as "father" and "daughter" and I was known as "grandpa Chuck" to alot of people. It was perfect. I finally had a family. And I still do. No matter how far I get from these people, no matter how close I get to being completely clean of weed, and alcohol, and all the drugs, I'll still love them like my family. Because this time, I wasn't trying my hardest to be accepted. I just was. This was the first time I had a real family that wasn't forced or created. It just came to be.
But right now, once again, I have nowhere to call home. I've been sleeping on the floors of friends. Depending on my "family" to help me help myself. I have a minimum wage job, and its hard to find an apartment on $7.15 an hour. I'm working hard to rebuild my life. And I will succeed. But this means I can't move out of town. I just have to wait until I can afford it.
I do want to say to anyone who reads this: I love you. I really do. Everyone from NTC, HCF, and wherever... I love all my friends, from church, through drugs, etc. No matter how we met I love you. Even if we don't see eye to eye on certain things, I love you.
I feel like I'm in the middle of two worlds. I now don't fit in with the stoners, because I'm not one anymore. But I also don't fit in with the church crowd either, because I've made too many mistakes.... I just don't fit in. But I love you all anyways.
So don't forget me, and keep me in your prayers. I'll be around, but who knows if you'll see me.
This is just the beginning. I'm going to chronicle the last two years of my life, from being homeless, to being a stoner, to loving Jesus... All of it. I might use that for my comic instead of all my grand ideas of superheros and whatnot. I might just use my life. I don't know.
I might just try to publish it in a book of some sort. I don't know. But I do know that my story is an interesting one. I've made alot of mistakes, and alot of bad choices, but some of them actually made me a better person. We have to learn from our mistakes.
So stay tuned....
I am, I'm ready to be new again
I'm ready to hear you say who I am is quite enough
(Quite enough)
I am, I'm ready to be new again
I'm ready to hear you say who I am is quite enough
(Quite enough)
Oh my dear what deep roots you have
All the better to hold you down
You don't know where you've been
Well you don't where I've been
What are we to do
What are we to, to do with you
I am, I'm ready to be new again
I'm ready to hear you say who I am is quite enough
(Quite enough)
I am, I'm ready to be new again
I'm ready to hear you say who I am is quite enough
(Quite enough)
What are we to do with
What are we to, to do with you
What are we to do with
What are we to, to do with you
You don't know where I've been
Lyrics taken from the song "New Again" by Taking Back Sunday
So there it is. I spilled my guts. A little bit. There's a heckuva lot more coming soon, but I might save that for my published work.... Someday.
Snoogins.
Chuck
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